Portion Una Alconbury’s Raspberry Surprise made with Bourbon biscuits, tinned raspberries, eight gallons of whipped cream, decorated with glace cherries and angelica. Portion Una Alconbury’s turkey curry, peas and bananas Make up compilation ‘mood’ tapes so can have tapes ready with all favourite romantic/dancing/rousing/feminist etc, tracks assembled instead of turning into drink-sodden DJ-style person with tapes scattered all over floor.įorm functional relationship with responsible adult.ĩst 3 (but post-Christmas), alcohol units 14 (but effectively covers 2 days as 4 hours of party was on New Year’s Day),cigarettes 22, calories 5424.Ģ Bloody Marys (count as food as contain Worcester sauce and tomatoes)ġ2 Milk Tray (best to get rid of all Christmas confectionery in one go and make fresh start tomorrow)ġ3 cocktail sticks securing cheese and pineapple Go to gym three times a week not merely to buy sandwich. Get up straight away when wake up m mornings. Not go out every night but stay in and read books and listen to classical music. Improve career and find new job with potential.
Give all clothes which have not worn for two years or more to homeless. 1? inches each), using anti-cellulite diet. Reduce circumference of thighs by 3 inches (i.e. Sulk about having no boyfriend, but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance, complete without boyfriend, as best way to obtain boyfriend.ĭrink no more than fourteen alcohol units a week. Obsess about Daniel Cleaver as pathetic to have a crush on boss in manner of Miss Moneypenny or similar. Have crushes on men, but instead form relationships based on mature assessment of character.īitch about anyone behind their backs, but be positive about everyone. Get upset over men, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen. Get annoyed with Mum, Una Alconbury or Perpetua.
Waste money on: pasta-makers, ice-cream machines or other culinary devices which will never use books by unreadable literary authors to put impressively on shelves exotic underwear, since pointless as have no boyfriend.īehave sluttishly around the house, but instead imagine others are watching.įall for any of following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts. Thanks too to Gillon Aitken, Richard Coles, Scarlett Curtis, the Fielding family, Piers, Paula and Sam Fletcher, Emma Freud, Georgia Garrett, Sharon Maguire, Jon Turner and Daniel Woods for inspiration and support, and especially, as ever, to Richard Curtis.ĭrink more than fourteen alcohol units a week. With particular thanks to Charlie Leadbeater for first suggesting the column at the Independent. To my Mum, Nellie, for not being like Bridget’s
0 kommentar(er)
